Parenting Big Emotions

It’s understandable how quickly things can escalate with a child when emotions rise.

You’re tired, they’re stretched, and without meaning to, everyone can get pulled into repeating the same explanations or arguments.

And, if you’re anything like us, you may have noticed how often that loop feels unsatisfying for both of you.

If you’re curious and looking for another way — one that opens space and more connection for you both then nervous systems can help guide us to more choice and more room to breathe.

Seeing a Meltdown Through a Softer Lens

When a child becomes overwhelmed, it’s rarely about defiance or intention. Their nervous system is simply full.

Big feelings can tug them into a place where thinking, listening, and reasoning are temporarily out of reach. It’s not personal. It’s biology doing what biology does.

Imagining it this way can be helpful:
They’re not choosing a battle; they’re trying to navigate something that feels too big.

When Arguments Add More Heat

Most of us have had moments where a simple “stop” or “please listen” spirals into back-and-forth tension. Two nervous systems, both on alert, trying to protect themselves.

When you start reasoning – “We’ve spoken about this before”, “You know the rules”, “Why are you behaving like this?” – it’s like trying to have a calm conversation with someone whose fire alarm is blaring in their ears. They can’t hear you properly. They feel even more overwhelmed, and the meltdown often escalates.

Nothing is “wrong” with you or your child. It simply shows both bodies working hard.

And once we can see that, even a small pause can create room for a different experience.

The Possibility of Holding Space

Some parents find that instead of jumping into explanation or correction, staying nearby with steadiness can shift the whole tone of the moment.

Holding space might look like:

• Just being close enough for them to feel you there without words
• Letting your voice stay soft, even if theirs isn’t
• Keeping words few
• Making sure everyone is safe
• Allowing the wave of emotion to rise and fall without rushing it through
  
  

It doesn’t mean agreeing with the behaviour. It simply means acknowledging the human underneath it.

“I won’t let you hit me. And I can see this is really big for you right now.”

There’s no lesson to deliver — just enough calm around them for their body to find its way back to a sense of calm too.

Staying With Yourself, Too

Being the grounded one offering the calm is easier said than done. Which is why your own system matters just as much as theirs.

If your capacity is stretched, tending to yourself in the moment is not abandoning them — it’s part of staying connected.

Some people find it helpful to:

• Take one slower breath
• Feel the weight of their feet
• Relax their jaw or shoulders
• Offer themselves a quiet gentle phrase like, “We’re both having a hard moment.”

|And sometimes, creating a little space is what allows you to stay present:

“I’m going to stand right over here and breathe for a moment. I’m still with you.”

This models something powerful: not constant calm, but the ability to return to it.

When Things Settle

Once your child’s body has softened and they’re more available again, there’s often an opening for connection and conversation. It doesn’t have to happen right away. It can be later in the day or even tomorrow.

In that quieter space, curiosity can lead:

“Earlier felt really tough. What was going on for you?”

You might share impact gently, without blame, and invite possibilities for next time — not as a “fix,” but as co-exploration.

“What could help you when that feeling shows up again? Stomping? Squeezing something? Saying, ‘I’m mad!’?”

Learning grows in these small pockets of calm.

Shifting Old Patterns With Kindness

It’s so common, in the middle of a meltdown, to reach for anything that might bring relief to your kids and to you — a treat, a distraction, a promise, a threat. That’s human.

If you’re curious about trying something different, you might experiment with separating the phases:

During the big feelings: create safety, be fully present, feel your steadiness.
Afterwards: offer comfort, closeness, reflect together.

It can change the rhythm of how these moments unfold.

A Kinder Story For Both of You

This isn’t about getting it “right.” It’s about widening the doorway so you both have more space to breathe and be human.

Your child isn’t being “too much”; they’re overwhelmed.

You aren’t failing because they are melting down; you’re navigating something tender and real in real time.

The meltdown isn’t a sign of chaos; it’s a moment full of potential for understanding and repair.

When you accompany your child through the storm — while also tending to yourself — they receive the message that:

• Their feelings are welcome
• They are safe to be seen
• They don’t have to move through things alone
  
  

And when you revisit the moment later, with gentleness, you offer them something precious: the experience that big feelings can be held, understood, and integrated together.

And no, this doesn’t guarantee smooth days or instant cooperation. Some moments resolve quickly; others take more time. None of that means you’re off track.

It just means you’re growing alongside each other — one real moment at a time.